Here are the three mistakes that I noticed
right off the bat:
1) Making out with her somewhere other than at
your house (or her house).
2) Apologizing for making out with her.
3) Asking her if you should call her, of if she
should call you.
I'll address each one in a minute in detail,
but first let me start off with some of my Quack
theories.
One of the things I say a lot is "Women Aren't
Attracted To Wussies".
I say this because:
1) It's true.
2) If you don't understand this principle, you're
likely to make mistakes that clearly "telegraph"
to a woman that you're a Wuss.
3) When it all comes down, if a woman doesn't feel
ATTRACTION for you, or you somehow manage to screw
up and KILL the ATTRACTION she's feeling... you're
done. Game over.
I think that most of us guys have these little
secret beliefs that we hide from the rest of the
world... and that we TRY to hide from women.
I was having an interesting discussion with a
good friend today, and we were talking about how
most guys act when they're around an "attractive"
woman.
Most guys do one of the following:
- Give attractive women a lot of compliments
immediately.
- Kiss up to attractive women.
- Try to get attractive women to like them by
buying them gifts, dinners and flowers or Dodge Catalytic Converter.
- Chase after attractive women and let it be known
that the woman is "a prize worth pursuing" right
from the beginning.
- Hand over all of their power and status to
attractive women.
Know what I'm talking about?
Have you ever seen a guy at dinner with a
beautiful woman... and he's obviously nervous
about the whole situation... and you can tell that
he's doing everything he can to NOT screw up so he
can get the woman's approval?
Have you ever BEEN THAT GUY?
Yeah, me too. A lot.
Well, unfortunately, this kind of behavior
usually BACKFIRES BIG TIME.
All of the little things that most guys do to
get a woman's approval send a clear message to the
woman that:
"I'M A WUSSY. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE
ME FOR WHO I AM, SO I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO RESORT
TO EXTREME MEASURES TO GET YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO
ME."
Now that I understand this particular aspect of
male/female interactions, I can see the horrible
results all around me.
At bars I watch guys walking up to women and
giving compliments... or offering to buy drinks...
and the women smiling politely thinking, "Oh,
another loser", and excusing themselves...
Quick Note: bars aren't bad places to meet women.
But you must know HOW to meet women in bars if you
want to succeed in this kind of environment. For
the best training in how to meet women in bars and
clubs.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
What Annoys Women, AND What Attracts Them
Would you like to become a MASTER at attracting
and meeting women? If you would, then take a few
minutes and look through the different programs
I've put together to help you right here.
If you listen to women talk about men, you'll
often hear them use the word "ANNOYING" to
describe certain men and certain things that some
men DO.
Now, as you can probably guess, it's not
usually a good thing when a woman uses this
particular word to describe a guy...
And, as you can ALSO probably guess, when a
woman uses this particular word, it's not usually
about guys who she is ATTRACTED to (although this
isn't always true).
Now, it's taken me a few years of paying
attention to really get a handle on what women are
talking about when they say, "He's annoying" or
"It's so annoying when he does that".
And guess what I realized was at the ROOT of
women finding a guy or his behavior annoying?
IT'S ALMOST ALWAYS WUSSY BEHAVIOR!
AHHHH!
THINGS THAT ANNOY WOMEN...
Here are some of the things that many women
consider to be "annoying":
- Calling her too often
- Telling her that you have "feelings" for her too
early
- Giving away your power to her and making her the
boss
- Always asking a woman what she wants instead of
leading
- Acting submissive and weak
- Accepting her demands, bossy-ness, and
manipulative requests
- Being her doormat and putting your own needs like
Chevrolet Catalytic Converter aside
"WHAT?" you say.
"HOW COULD THIS BE?"... you might be thinking.
How is it possible that demonstrating your
affection for a woman by calling her, telling her
how you feel, letting her make the decisions, and
putting her first could be considered ANNOYING, of
all things?
Well guess what?
IT IS.
Women, and ESPECIALLY the most ATTRACTIVE and
desirable women, usually consider the above things
to be VERY annoying.
Of course, the reason for this is because no
matter how good these kinds of behaviors seem on
the surface, there's only one conclusion that can
be drawn from them:
THE MAN DOING THEM IS A BONAFIDE, 100%
CERTIFIABLE WUSSY!
AND WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WUSSIES.
NEVER.
Now, do I really, really, REALLY mean that
women are NEVER, EVER attracted to Wussies?
I mean, isn't that an over-generalization?
Nothing is always true, right?
Well, this one IS.
Actually, what I MEAN is...
As far as generalizations go, this particular
one is as close to being true all the time as they
get.
And just in case I haven't said this enough,
let me say it one more time... just to make sure
it's clear:
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WUSSIES.
So now you understand why all of the "nice"
things that you've done for women seem to always
result in the woman pulling away.
It's because she finds your nice-guy "Wuss"
behaviors to be ANNOYING.
AND IT KEEPS GETTING WORSE...
To further confuse things, you'll often hear a
woman say something to the effect of...
"I want a STRONG guy who is also SENSITIVE..."
...or...
"He needs to have his own life, his own
interests, and his own friends, but also be
totally focused on me..."
I see things like this in women's personal ads
all the time. I'm sure you've seen things like
this yourself.
Women often talk about wanting a combination of
things in a man that just don't seem to fit...
So what's going on here?
Are women crazy? (Yes.)
But seriously, what are they talking about?
How is it that women seem to always talk about
wanting men who have these qualities that don't
fit together?
I know that I personally used to hear this
stuff and then say to myself "OK, well I've got
the sensitive part covered so I guess I need to
start acting a little bit stronger."
I thought that maybe this came down to getting
my lazy ass to the gym and working out. You know,
to become "stronger".
No, I'm serious.
Well, here's the BIG REALIZATION that I had...
I've now realized that I had it all wrong.
Instead of thinking to myself that I was a
nice, sensitive guy that needed to become a little
stronger, what I really needed was to become a
strong guy who could also act sensitive on
occasion.
The difference seems almost like word-play, but
it's not. Not at all.
You see, when a woman says that she wants a
"strong guy who's also sensitive", that's what she
MEANS.
She wants a guy who's STRONG. The sensitive
part is far more "optional" than the STRONG part.
This is why women often date jerks and guys who
are emotionally unavailable, and don't date us
"nice guys" who would do anything for them.
Remember, ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE.
Women do not sit down and make a list of the
qualities that a particular guy has, then think it
over it for a few days, then DECIDE whether or not
to FEEL ATTRACTION.
NO WAY.
It happens in an INSTANT, and it happens for
all kinds of "illogical" reasons... reasons that
even the woman who is feeling it can't usually
describe.
and meeting women? If you would, then take a few
minutes and look through the different programs
I've put together to help you right here.
If you listen to women talk about men, you'll
often hear them use the word "ANNOYING" to
describe certain men and certain things that some
men DO.
Now, as you can probably guess, it's not
usually a good thing when a woman uses this
particular word to describe a guy...
And, as you can ALSO probably guess, when a
woman uses this particular word, it's not usually
about guys who she is ATTRACTED to (although this
isn't always true).
Now, it's taken me a few years of paying
attention to really get a handle on what women are
talking about when they say, "He's annoying" or
"It's so annoying when he does that".
And guess what I realized was at the ROOT of
women finding a guy or his behavior annoying?
IT'S ALMOST ALWAYS WUSSY BEHAVIOR!
AHHHH!
THINGS THAT ANNOY WOMEN...
Here are some of the things that many women
consider to be "annoying":
- Calling her too often
- Telling her that you have "feelings" for her too
early
- Giving away your power to her and making her the
boss
- Always asking a woman what she wants instead of
leading
- Acting submissive and weak
- Accepting her demands, bossy-ness, and
manipulative requests
- Being her doormat and putting your own needs like
Chevrolet Catalytic Converter aside
"WHAT?" you say.
"HOW COULD THIS BE?"... you might be thinking.
How is it possible that demonstrating your
affection for a woman by calling her, telling her
how you feel, letting her make the decisions, and
putting her first could be considered ANNOYING, of
all things?
Well guess what?
IT IS.
Women, and ESPECIALLY the most ATTRACTIVE and
desirable women, usually consider the above things
to be VERY annoying.
Of course, the reason for this is because no
matter how good these kinds of behaviors seem on
the surface, there's only one conclusion that can
be drawn from them:
THE MAN DOING THEM IS A BONAFIDE, 100%
CERTIFIABLE WUSSY!
AND WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WUSSIES.
NEVER.
Now, do I really, really, REALLY mean that
women are NEVER, EVER attracted to Wussies?
I mean, isn't that an over-generalization?
Nothing is always true, right?
Well, this one IS.
Actually, what I MEAN is...
As far as generalizations go, this particular
one is as close to being true all the time as they
get.
And just in case I haven't said this enough,
let me say it one more time... just to make sure
it's clear:
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WUSSIES.
So now you understand why all of the "nice"
things that you've done for women seem to always
result in the woman pulling away.
It's because she finds your nice-guy "Wuss"
behaviors to be ANNOYING.
AND IT KEEPS GETTING WORSE...
To further confuse things, you'll often hear a
woman say something to the effect of...
"I want a STRONG guy who is also SENSITIVE..."
...or...
"He needs to have his own life, his own
interests, and his own friends, but also be
totally focused on me..."
I see things like this in women's personal ads
all the time. I'm sure you've seen things like
this yourself.
Women often talk about wanting a combination of
things in a man that just don't seem to fit...
So what's going on here?
Are women crazy? (Yes.)
But seriously, what are they talking about?
How is it that women seem to always talk about
wanting men who have these qualities that don't
fit together?
I know that I personally used to hear this
stuff and then say to myself "OK, well I've got
the sensitive part covered so I guess I need to
start acting a little bit stronger."
I thought that maybe this came down to getting
my lazy ass to the gym and working out. You know,
to become "stronger".
No, I'm serious.
Well, here's the BIG REALIZATION that I had...
I've now realized that I had it all wrong.
Instead of thinking to myself that I was a
nice, sensitive guy that needed to become a little
stronger, what I really needed was to become a
strong guy who could also act sensitive on
occasion.
The difference seems almost like word-play, but
it's not. Not at all.
You see, when a woman says that she wants a
"strong guy who's also sensitive", that's what she
MEANS.
She wants a guy who's STRONG. The sensitive
part is far more "optional" than the STRONG part.
This is why women often date jerks and guys who
are emotionally unavailable, and don't date us
"nice guys" who would do anything for them.
Remember, ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE.
Women do not sit down and make a list of the
qualities that a particular guy has, then think it
over it for a few days, then DECIDE whether or not
to FEEL ATTRACTION.
NO WAY.
It happens in an INSTANT, and it happens for
all kinds of "illogical" reasons... reasons that
even the woman who is feeling it can't usually
describe.
Why You Should NOT Compliment A Woman
COMPLIMENTS OR NO COMPLIMENTS?
To compliment or not to compliment... that is
the question.
Women tell us they want us to compliment them.
Your mom told you to be nice to girls, right?
And we guys like to really "turn up" the
Compliments when we LIKE a woman...
But here's the question:
Do compliments create ATTRACTION when you first
meet a woman?
Most of the time the answer is NO.
I have a word for guys who like to give women
lots of compliments when they first meet her.
That word is WUUSSY.
Recently, I got an email from a woman about
this very topic that I thought would be the
perfect way to introduce this and explain WHY
compliments are not the way to build attraction...
I love that women are out there reading and
thinking about my material (especially the Cocky &
Funny comment). Good stuff.
I'm going to break down the things you're
talking about into a few specific topics, then
address them individually.
Here are the three that I'd like to address:
1) The idea that women LOVE to be complimented.
2) The idea that women spend all of their time and
energy getting ready and fixing themselves up
because they want compliments.
3) The difference between complimenting a
"special" girl and complimenting just ANY girl.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as you
read my commentary on this letter and these
different topics:
A) We humans (and I'm talking about women in
particular here) don't always REALIZE what we
REALLY want.
B) We humans don't like to admit what's REALLY
going on inside of us, because it can be
irrational and illogical.
C) It's very important to realize that there is a
CRITICAL difference between a girl you've just met
or have dated a few times and a SPECIAL girl in
your life.
So, let's talk about the topics individually...
THE IDEA THAT WOMEN LOVE TO BE COMPLIMENTED
Do women love to be complimented?
I think so.
In fact, I think that many really ATTRACTIVE
women FEED off of attention and compliments. The
more attention and compliments they get, the
better and more powerful they feel. It's an ego
boost.
BUT... and it's a BUTTTTT bigger than J-Lo's,
this doesn't mean that a woman will feel ATTRACTED
to you if you give her compliments.
Attractive women get compliments in various
forms all the time. In fact, they're so used to
getting compliments, that's what they EXPECT.
As a matter of fact, if you start talking to an
attractive woman and say, "Wow, you're really
beautiful. I mean, you're like a goddess... are
you a model or an actress?" etc., the most LIKELY
response you're going to get is her giving you the
cold shoulder.
Why?
Because SHE GOT WHAT SHE NEEDED FROM YOU and
you showed her that you're JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER
guy out there that will worship her for her
physical beauty.
As a general rule, you ALWAYS want to avoid
being mentally slotted into the "average" and
"like all the other guys" category at ALL COST.
I have started conversations by giving a woman
a compliment, but I NEVER let it become part of
the actual conversation. If anything, I begin
teasing and making fun of her looks as soon as
possible, if she's REALLY hot-looking like a
Buick Catalytic Converter. And I never
give the compliment in a way that says, "I'm
intimidated because you're obviously very powerful
and desirable."
To compliment or not to compliment... that is
the question.
Women tell us they want us to compliment them.
Your mom told you to be nice to girls, right?
And we guys like to really "turn up" the
Compliments when we LIKE a woman...
But here's the question:
Do compliments create ATTRACTION when you first
meet a woman?
Most of the time the answer is NO.
I have a word for guys who like to give women
lots of compliments when they first meet her.
That word is WUUSSY.
Recently, I got an email from a woman about
this very topic that I thought would be the
perfect way to introduce this and explain WHY
compliments are not the way to build attraction...
I love that women are out there reading and
thinking about my material (especially the Cocky &
Funny comment). Good stuff.
I'm going to break down the things you're
talking about into a few specific topics, then
address them individually.
Here are the three that I'd like to address:
1) The idea that women LOVE to be complimented.
2) The idea that women spend all of their time and
energy getting ready and fixing themselves up
because they want compliments.
3) The difference between complimenting a
"special" girl and complimenting just ANY girl.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as you
read my commentary on this letter and these
different topics:
A) We humans (and I'm talking about women in
particular here) don't always REALIZE what we
REALLY want.
B) We humans don't like to admit what's REALLY
going on inside of us, because it can be
irrational and illogical.
C) It's very important to realize that there is a
CRITICAL difference between a girl you've just met
or have dated a few times and a SPECIAL girl in
your life.
So, let's talk about the topics individually...
THE IDEA THAT WOMEN LOVE TO BE COMPLIMENTED
Do women love to be complimented?
I think so.
In fact, I think that many really ATTRACTIVE
women FEED off of attention and compliments. The
more attention and compliments they get, the
better and more powerful they feel. It's an ego
boost.
BUT... and it's a BUTTTTT bigger than J-Lo's,
this doesn't mean that a woman will feel ATTRACTED
to you if you give her compliments.
Attractive women get compliments in various
forms all the time. In fact, they're so used to
getting compliments, that's what they EXPECT.
As a matter of fact, if you start talking to an
attractive woman and say, "Wow, you're really
beautiful. I mean, you're like a goddess... are
you a model or an actress?" etc., the most LIKELY
response you're going to get is her giving you the
cold shoulder.
Why?
Because SHE GOT WHAT SHE NEEDED FROM YOU and
you showed her that you're JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER
guy out there that will worship her for her
physical beauty.
As a general rule, you ALWAYS want to avoid
being mentally slotted into the "average" and
"like all the other guys" category at ALL COST.
I have started conversations by giving a woman
a compliment, but I NEVER let it become part of
the actual conversation. If anything, I begin
teasing and making fun of her looks as soon as
possible, if she's REALLY hot-looking like a
Buick Catalytic Converter. And I never
give the compliment in a way that says, "I'm
intimidated because you're obviously very powerful
and desirable."
Is "Romance" Attractive To Women?
You've probably noticed that I don't talk about
the idea of "romance" very often.
There's a good reason for this.
I think that most guys use romance in
completely the wrong way, and in the process screw
up their chances with the woman that they are
interested in.
I'm going to take some time here to talk about
my personal perspective on romance, how it is
misused, and how to use it to really make a woman
feel attracted to you.
Most guys make one of two main mistakes when
trying to be "romantic":
1) They try to use romance to CREATE attraction.
2) They use TOO MUCH romance, thinking that more
must be better.
Let me ask you this... What does romance mean
to you?
I'm serious. Think about it for a minute.
Does romance mean gifts and flower?
Does it mean fancy dinners?
Does it mean candles and soft music?
To me, romance is about showing a softer side
of yourself... a more thoughtful side... in a way
that is meant to INCREASE the woman's attraction
for you.
Like I just mentioned, most guys either try to
use romance to CREATE attraction, or they do too
many things in an attempt to "be romantic", and
the effect is lost.
Here's a quiz:
In general, would a woman think you were more
romantic if you:
1) Brought her red roses every time you saw her.
2) Brought her one flower the fourth time you saw
her, but it was her favorite flower, in her
favorite color.
...???
Here's another one...
In general, would a woman think you were more
romantic if you:
1) Took her to a fancy dinner every time you saw
her.
2) Didn't take her to dinner, but one night cooked
her a favorite dish that your mom taught you and
told her the story of how it came to be a family
favorite?
Do you see where I'm going with these examples?
"Romance" is all about the context of the
situation. In other words, little things that are
thoughtful, used once in awhile will make FAR more
of an impact than trying to do everything you
possibly can all the time.
Have you ever seen a T. V. show or movie with a
girl holding a flower, pulling off each petal one
at a time and saying, "He loves me, he loves me
not"?
This is a famous cliche... even Madonna does it
in her old "Truth or Dare" movie.
What's going on here? And why is it now such a
famous idea that it is almost universally known?
Because it strikes a chord inside of women
everywhere! Every woman can relate to the idea of
thinking about a man and wondering if he's
thinking about her.
Pulling petals off of a flower and saying, "He
loves me, he loves me not", is just another way of
saying, "I can't stop thinking about this guy and
I'm going to keep thinking about him until I know
how he feels."
As you know, if you've read past newsletters
and/or my ebook, I think that it's important to
CREATE this kind of situation as much as humanly
possible.
Now, here's where romance fits into the
puzzle... If you're doing things that you consider
to be "romantic" all the time, then she has
nothing to wonder about... nothing to think
about... there is no challenge or mystery at all.
On the other hand, if you use romance more
carefully and keep her on the edge of her seat, so
to speak, then a small romantic gesture will cause
her to feel GREAT feelings of attraction inside...
and cause her to work even harder to get and keep
your attention - BECAUSE SHE'LL TRY HARDER TO GET
MORE OUT OF THIS ROMANTIC SIDE OF YOU!
So what are some things you can do, that women
see as romantic, without going overboard?
Well, if you want to do the typical things like
flowers, gifts, music, poetry, even Cadillac Catalytic Converter. then do as I
said earlier: Use them VERY infrequently. Tease
her, bust on her, treat her like a bratty little
sister most of the time, then out of nowhere do
something thoughtful. But make sure to stay cool
when the emotional reaction comes!
She's probably going to be very happy and want
to know "where that came from." Just tell her that
you were thinking about her and move on to the
next topic. Don't get all mushy, dude.
By the way, if you've gone out with a woman 47
times, and you don't know if she likes you, and
you're now thinking, "Oh, hey... great idea! I'll
buy her a flower and she'll feel attracted to
me..." then get a new idea.
Romance isn't a way to make a woman feel
attracted to you.
Romance is a way to AMPLIFY attraction that is
already happening.
Read that last part again... DON'T TRY TO MAKE
A WOMAN FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOU WITH ROMANCE!
Attraction is created by factors other than
gifts, dinners, flowers, etc.
If she's not feeling attracted to you, then
showing her that you're attracted to her probably
isn't going to change it... in fact, it may just
push her away.
the idea of "romance" very often.
There's a good reason for this.
I think that most guys use romance in
completely the wrong way, and in the process screw
up their chances with the woman that they are
interested in.
I'm going to take some time here to talk about
my personal perspective on romance, how it is
misused, and how to use it to really make a woman
feel attracted to you.
Most guys make one of two main mistakes when
trying to be "romantic":
1) They try to use romance to CREATE attraction.
2) They use TOO MUCH romance, thinking that more
must be better.
Let me ask you this... What does romance mean
to you?
I'm serious. Think about it for a minute.
Does romance mean gifts and flower?
Does it mean fancy dinners?
Does it mean candles and soft music?
To me, romance is about showing a softer side
of yourself... a more thoughtful side... in a way
that is meant to INCREASE the woman's attraction
for you.
Like I just mentioned, most guys either try to
use romance to CREATE attraction, or they do too
many things in an attempt to "be romantic", and
the effect is lost.
Here's a quiz:
In general, would a woman think you were more
romantic if you:
1) Brought her red roses every time you saw her.
2) Brought her one flower the fourth time you saw
her, but it was her favorite flower, in her
favorite color.
...???
Here's another one...
In general, would a woman think you were more
romantic if you:
1) Took her to a fancy dinner every time you saw
her.
2) Didn't take her to dinner, but one night cooked
her a favorite dish that your mom taught you and
told her the story of how it came to be a family
favorite?
Do you see where I'm going with these examples?
"Romance" is all about the context of the
situation. In other words, little things that are
thoughtful, used once in awhile will make FAR more
of an impact than trying to do everything you
possibly can all the time.
Have you ever seen a T. V. show or movie with a
girl holding a flower, pulling off each petal one
at a time and saying, "He loves me, he loves me
not"?
This is a famous cliche... even Madonna does it
in her old "Truth or Dare" movie.
What's going on here? And why is it now such a
famous idea that it is almost universally known?
Because it strikes a chord inside of women
everywhere! Every woman can relate to the idea of
thinking about a man and wondering if he's
thinking about her.
Pulling petals off of a flower and saying, "He
loves me, he loves me not", is just another way of
saying, "I can't stop thinking about this guy and
I'm going to keep thinking about him until I know
how he feels."
As you know, if you've read past newsletters
and/or my ebook, I think that it's important to
CREATE this kind of situation as much as humanly
possible.
Now, here's where romance fits into the
puzzle... If you're doing things that you consider
to be "romantic" all the time, then she has
nothing to wonder about... nothing to think
about... there is no challenge or mystery at all.
On the other hand, if you use romance more
carefully and keep her on the edge of her seat, so
to speak, then a small romantic gesture will cause
her to feel GREAT feelings of attraction inside...
and cause her to work even harder to get and keep
your attention - BECAUSE SHE'LL TRY HARDER TO GET
MORE OUT OF THIS ROMANTIC SIDE OF YOU!
So what are some things you can do, that women
see as romantic, without going overboard?
Well, if you want to do the typical things like
flowers, gifts, music, poetry, even Cadillac Catalytic Converter. then do as I
said earlier: Use them VERY infrequently. Tease
her, bust on her, treat her like a bratty little
sister most of the time, then out of nowhere do
something thoughtful. But make sure to stay cool
when the emotional reaction comes!
She's probably going to be very happy and want
to know "where that came from." Just tell her that
you were thinking about her and move on to the
next topic. Don't get all mushy, dude.
By the way, if you've gone out with a woman 47
times, and you don't know if she likes you, and
you're now thinking, "Oh, hey... great idea! I'll
buy her a flower and she'll feel attracted to
me..." then get a new idea.
Romance isn't a way to make a woman feel
attracted to you.
Romance is a way to AMPLIFY attraction that is
already happening.
Read that last part again... DON'T TRY TO MAKE
A WOMAN FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOU WITH ROMANCE!
Attraction is created by factors other than
gifts, dinners, flowers, etc.
If she's not feeling attracted to you, then
showing her that you're attracted to her probably
isn't going to change it... in fact, it may just
push her away.
Key Words Women Say When Attracted
I wish I would have written what you're about
to read, but I didn't (but I'm still a cool guy
because I wrote what came before and after it).
Check this out...
***Conversation Technique***
Dave,
I'm still having great success with a rekindled
marriage using you're Tips on my wife. Thanks a
million. Listen, I keep reading over and over in
the MailBags guys wanting to know how to start,
then keep a conversation going with women. I work
for a major oil company and have been through many
of there training courses on dealing with people.
One particularly interesting course was on
"Information Seeking". For this we first practiced
picking up on "Key words or phrases" the subject
said. For instance, I'll try and give an example
using c&f even though you wouldn't use this
professionally on the job. Lets say you see this
great looking chick on the street and you tell
her, "That's an unusual looking dress you're
wearing. Was that made out of a shower curtain?"
She says, "Your mean! No, I bought this from the
Old Navy store." Key Words: Old Navy. "Oh, so
you're in the Navy, huh?" "No silly. You know, the
big store over at the Mall." Key word: Mall. "Oh,
so you like going to the Mall and buying strange
looking dresses do you? Do your girlfriends buy
them also?" "My girlfriends are neat dressers and
my dress is very popular I'll have you know!" Key
phrases: "girlfriends are neat dressers" and
"dress is popular". "Well, if your girlfriends are
neat dressers in a popular dress like you're
wearing then I'm going into the shower curtain
clothing business..." I know, this is a lame
example but the lessons are this.
1) You start a conversation with however you want
then pick out key words or phrases from what the
person says.
2) You repeat them in what you say then listen for
new key words in there next response.
3) You add a little something new into the
conversation REPEATING there words you're using as
Key words or phrases. This tells them you're
listening, even though you're turning things
around to be c/f in this situation.
Once we learned to keep someone talking for 5
minutes, then 15 minutes the company actually
hired total strangers from a job soliciting
company to come and be our subjects. While being
videotaped we had to get the person talking and
keep them talking for 30 minutes. One important
note: If a person brings up something personal or
whatever, they wouldn't have mentioned it if they
didn't want to talk about it. These are great to
Key in on. My subject mentioned she was going
through a divorce and her ex-husband was a total
jerk. I keyed in on this and it's amazing what a
total stranger will tell you once you build a
little rapport. When watching the video you pick
up on mistakes or you see something different you
could have said. You also pick up on Key words and
phases you missed. It just takes a little
practice. This is just one example of how you can
start a conversation and keep it going. Hopefully
it can be of help to you're readers.
JTM Texas
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Awesome.
This is an EXCELLENT description of how to keep
a conversation going, keep it interesting and
unpredictable, and talk about ANYTHING and have it
be fun.
Read it again.
Now, let me sprinkle a little magic dust on
this and tell you how I use this technique
personally.
When I'm having a conversation with a woman,
I'm not just listening for ANY key word... I'm
listening for a particular KIND of key word (or
words).
I'm always on the alert for any words or
phrases that can be twisted, turned around,
misinterpreted, and misconstrued (is that a word?)
in one of a few particular ways...
Namely, in a way that says she's stupid, ditzy,
sexually crazed, or acting suspicious.
For instance, in your example above, you
suggested the following:
"That's an unusual looking dress you're wearing.
Was that made out of a shower curtain?" She says,
"You're mean! No, I bought this from the Old Navy
store." Key Words: Old Navy. "Oh, so you're in the
Navy, huh?" "No silly. You know, the big store
over at the Mall." Key word: Mall. "Oh, so you
like going to the Mall and buying strange looking
dresses do you? Do your girlfriends buy them
also?" "My girlfriends are neat dressers and my
dress is very popular I'll have you know!" Key
phrases: "girlfriends are neat dressers" and
"dress is popular". "Well, if your girlfriends are
neat dressers in a popular dress like you're
wearing then I'm going into the shower curtain
clothing business..."
Good. Nice one.
Now, let's dial it up a little bit...
She says, "No, I bought this from the Old Navy
store..."
Instead of just keying into "Navy" and saying,
"Oh, so you're in the navy, huh?", why not take it
to the next step and actually MAKE FUN of her.
"Oh, so is this what guys used to wear in the
Navy a long time ago... in the OLD Navy?"
Now you're BUSTING on her as well, AND it's
funny.
She says, "No silly. you know, the big store
over at the Mall."
You might try, "What kind of MALL are YOU
shopping at? And do your girlfriends buy dresses
like that one too?"
Again, you're hinting that she has funky taste
and she shops in weird places.
She says, "My girlfriends are neat dressers and
my dress is very popular I'll have you know!"
You could go with, "Oh, you have girlfriends?
You have more than one? Do they all know that you
think of them as a girlfriend? Or is one of them
the special one? By the way, if you have cute
girlfriends, then I think you and I are going to
get along VERY well."
...are you with me here?
What I'm doing is NOT ONLY looking for key
words to latch onto, but I'm ALSO looking for ways
to spin them to make fun, tease, and subtly
suggest various kinds of "racy" topics like BMW Catalytic Converter.
When done in a funny way, it's magic.
to read, but I didn't (but I'm still a cool guy
because I wrote what came before and after it).
Check this out...
***Conversation Technique***
Dave,
I'm still having great success with a rekindled
marriage using you're Tips on my wife. Thanks a
million. Listen, I keep reading over and over in
the MailBags guys wanting to know how to start,
then keep a conversation going with women. I work
for a major oil company and have been through many
of there training courses on dealing with people.
One particularly interesting course was on
"Information Seeking". For this we first practiced
picking up on "Key words or phrases" the subject
said. For instance, I'll try and give an example
using c&f even though you wouldn't use this
professionally on the job. Lets say you see this
great looking chick on the street and you tell
her, "That's an unusual looking dress you're
wearing. Was that made out of a shower curtain?"
She says, "Your mean! No, I bought this from the
Old Navy store." Key Words: Old Navy. "Oh, so
you're in the Navy, huh?" "No silly. You know, the
big store over at the Mall." Key word: Mall. "Oh,
so you like going to the Mall and buying strange
looking dresses do you? Do your girlfriends buy
them also?" "My girlfriends are neat dressers and
my dress is very popular I'll have you know!" Key
phrases: "girlfriends are neat dressers" and
"dress is popular". "Well, if your girlfriends are
neat dressers in a popular dress like you're
wearing then I'm going into the shower curtain
clothing business..." I know, this is a lame
example but the lessons are this.
1) You start a conversation with however you want
then pick out key words or phrases from what the
person says.
2) You repeat them in what you say then listen for
new key words in there next response.
3) You add a little something new into the
conversation REPEATING there words you're using as
Key words or phrases. This tells them you're
listening, even though you're turning things
around to be c/f in this situation.
Once we learned to keep someone talking for 5
minutes, then 15 minutes the company actually
hired total strangers from a job soliciting
company to come and be our subjects. While being
videotaped we had to get the person talking and
keep them talking for 30 minutes. One important
note: If a person brings up something personal or
whatever, they wouldn't have mentioned it if they
didn't want to talk about it. These are great to
Key in on. My subject mentioned she was going
through a divorce and her ex-husband was a total
jerk. I keyed in on this and it's amazing what a
total stranger will tell you once you build a
little rapport. When watching the video you pick
up on mistakes or you see something different you
could have said. You also pick up on Key words and
phases you missed. It just takes a little
practice. This is just one example of how you can
start a conversation and keep it going. Hopefully
it can be of help to you're readers.
JTM Texas
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Awesome.
This is an EXCELLENT description of how to keep
a conversation going, keep it interesting and
unpredictable, and talk about ANYTHING and have it
be fun.
Read it again.
Now, let me sprinkle a little magic dust on
this and tell you how I use this technique
personally.
When I'm having a conversation with a woman,
I'm not just listening for ANY key word... I'm
listening for a particular KIND of key word (or
words).
I'm always on the alert for any words or
phrases that can be twisted, turned around,
misinterpreted, and misconstrued (is that a word?)
in one of a few particular ways...
Namely, in a way that says she's stupid, ditzy,
sexually crazed, or acting suspicious.
For instance, in your example above, you
suggested the following:
"That's an unusual looking dress you're wearing.
Was that made out of a shower curtain?" She says,
"You're mean! No, I bought this from the Old Navy
store." Key Words: Old Navy. "Oh, so you're in the
Navy, huh?" "No silly. You know, the big store
over at the Mall." Key word: Mall. "Oh, so you
like going to the Mall and buying strange looking
dresses do you? Do your girlfriends buy them
also?" "My girlfriends are neat dressers and my
dress is very popular I'll have you know!" Key
phrases: "girlfriends are neat dressers" and
"dress is popular". "Well, if your girlfriends are
neat dressers in a popular dress like you're
wearing then I'm going into the shower curtain
clothing business..."
Good. Nice one.
Now, let's dial it up a little bit...
She says, "No, I bought this from the Old Navy
store..."
Instead of just keying into "Navy" and saying,
"Oh, so you're in the navy, huh?", why not take it
to the next step and actually MAKE FUN of her.
"Oh, so is this what guys used to wear in the
Navy a long time ago... in the OLD Navy?"
Now you're BUSTING on her as well, AND it's
funny.
She says, "No silly. you know, the big store
over at the Mall."
You might try, "What kind of MALL are YOU
shopping at? And do your girlfriends buy dresses
like that one too?"
Again, you're hinting that she has funky taste
and she shops in weird places.
She says, "My girlfriends are neat dressers and
my dress is very popular I'll have you know!"
You could go with, "Oh, you have girlfriends?
You have more than one? Do they all know that you
think of them as a girlfriend? Or is one of them
the special one? By the way, if you have cute
girlfriends, then I think you and I are going to
get along VERY well."
...are you with me here?
What I'm doing is NOT ONLY looking for key
words to latch onto, but I'm ALSO looking for ways
to spin them to make fun, tease, and subtly
suggest various kinds of "racy" topics like BMW Catalytic Converter.
When done in a funny way, it's magic.
Body Language That Turns Women OFF
Well, I think my favorite line in this
blog was...
"...women hate how desperation smells..."
Because this doesn't make a whole lotta sense
to most of the guys who read it, let me do the
honors of breakin' it down for ya...
When someone says something like this, what
they're trying to say is that there's something
about "desperation" that women pick up on... but
it's not easy to describe.
Desperation comes across in all kinds of subtle
ways, from how you talk to a woman, to the eye
contact that you make, to how often you call her.
Women can "smell" it because women are
approximately TEN TIMES better at reading body
language than men. Your body language says
everything about you to a woman... so, if you want
to get better at attracting women, you'd better
start paying attention to and taking control of
it.
Start with your posture. Lift your chest.
Lean back, not forward.
Leaning forward is usually a "needy" signal.
Leaning back is usually a signal of strength.
Slow down your movements like a Audi Catalytic Converter.
Fast movements convey nervousness and
skittishness.
Slow movements convey self control and
strength.
It's a good idea to take some time and study
the body language of guys who are successful with
women. Watch closely, and pay attention to
EVERYTHING.
Even though something doesn't SEEM like it's
important, it probably is.
I have a good friend who holds his drink a
certain way when he's talking to a woman that he's
interested in.
He does it almost every time.
Is it important?
You do the math.
blog was...
"...women hate how desperation smells..."
Because this doesn't make a whole lotta sense
to most of the guys who read it, let me do the
honors of breakin' it down for ya...
When someone says something like this, what
they're trying to say is that there's something
about "desperation" that women pick up on... but
it's not easy to describe.
Desperation comes across in all kinds of subtle
ways, from how you talk to a woman, to the eye
contact that you make, to how often you call her.
Women can "smell" it because women are
approximately TEN TIMES better at reading body
language than men. Your body language says
everything about you to a woman... so, if you want
to get better at attracting women, you'd better
start paying attention to and taking control of
it.
Start with your posture. Lift your chest.
Lean back, not forward.
Leaning forward is usually a "needy" signal.
Leaning back is usually a signal of strength.
Slow down your movements like a Audi Catalytic Converter.
Fast movements convey nervousness and
skittishness.
Slow movements convey self control and
strength.
It's a good idea to take some time and study
the body language of guys who are successful with
women. Watch closely, and pay attention to
EVERYTHING.
Even though something doesn't SEEM like it's
important, it probably is.
I have a good friend who holds his drink a
certain way when he's talking to a woman that he's
interested in.
He does it almost every time.
Is it important?
You do the math.
How "Cocky & Funny" Creates Attraction
Have you ever noticed that "funny guys" tend to
fall into two categories:
1) Dorky Funny - The type of guy that a woman
laughs AT (not WITH)
2) Confident Funny - The type of guy that not only
makes women laugh, but makes women laugh in a way
that ATTRACTS them...?
So what's the DIFFERENCE between these two
types of guys?
Why is it that women find some guys "dorky"
even though they're LAUGHING?
What causes that "key difference"... where a
woman is laughing WITH you and not AT you?
More importantly, how can you actually USE
humor to create ATTRACTION?
As you already know from reading these
newsletters, I've developed a technique that I
call "Cocky & Funny"... and it is like MAGIC when
it comes to creating a powerful attraction with
women.
I have gotten so many questions about how to
use this technique, that I actually took the time to
create an entire VIDEO DVD program on the topic.
I call the program "Cocky Comedy" - and it's
the most powerful education available on how to use
humor to create attraction.
Did you know that MOST laughter is NOT in
response
to something that's funny?
It's true.
Think about most of the things that people
laugh
at... things like the weather... or like a common
experience... or a million other things even a Catalytic Converter
... NONE of
which are FUNNY.
Laughter is not about humor. Not USUALLY, at
least.
Laughter is about TENSION and RELEASING
tension.
fall into two categories:
1) Dorky Funny - The type of guy that a woman
laughs AT (not WITH)
2) Confident Funny - The type of guy that not only
makes women laugh, but makes women laugh in a way
that ATTRACTS them...?
So what's the DIFFERENCE between these two
types of guys?
Why is it that women find some guys "dorky"
even though they're LAUGHING?
What causes that "key difference"... where a
woman is laughing WITH you and not AT you?
More importantly, how can you actually USE
humor to create ATTRACTION?
As you already know from reading these
newsletters, I've developed a technique that I
call "Cocky & Funny"... and it is like MAGIC when
it comes to creating a powerful attraction with
women.
I have gotten so many questions about how to
use this technique, that I actually took the time to
create an entire VIDEO DVD program on the topic.
I call the program "Cocky Comedy" - and it's
the most powerful education available on how to use
humor to create attraction.
Did you know that MOST laughter is NOT in
response
to something that's funny?
It's true.
Think about most of the things that people
laugh
at... things like the weather... or like a common
experience... or a million other things even a Catalytic Converter
... NONE of
which are FUNNY.
Laughter is not about humor. Not USUALLY, at
least.
Laughter is about TENSION and RELEASING
tension.
What Women Want In A Man...
One of my best friends told me about a television show he saw that featured a woman who was talking about male/female relationship dynamics.This woman was basically saying that a lot of men in this day and age were raised by single mothers, and that this has led to more and more men acting like, well, girly-men. And, of course, single women aren't looking for wussy-girly-men...they're looking for "real" men.
I personally find this idea very intriguing.When I watched the movie "Crouching Tiger,Hidden Dragon"..., I saw something very interesting. Part of the plot revolved around a forbidden-love relationship. It's a common "movie" theme, and it occurs in real life often as well as Acura Wiper Blade.
Here's a summary...
In this movie, there was a troubled teenage girl who was arranged to be married by her family.
Of course, she didn't love the guy, and wanted to be free to find a love on her own.As it turned out,she was also secretly a super-duper martial arts bad-ass.
One day, while on a trip through the desert,her entourage was attacked by a group of bandits.
The leader of the criminals was a Johnny Depp looking Asian guy(role of Rj Rodriguez). He rode up, stole her fancy hair-comb, and rode off.
Being the feisty girl that she was, she jumped on a horse and rode into the desert after the bad
(but cute) boy.They wound up fighting, wrestling and beating the hell out of each other.
The long and the short of it is... he abducted her, tied her up, and hid her away in a cave. And
somehow, right in the middle of it all, they began MAKING OUT.
Five years ago I would have watched this whole sequence and said, "Well, it doesn't make any sense, but it makes for a nice story..."
But now that I understand the illogical nature of attraction and sexual chemistry, I see a
totally different picture. When the cute bad-boy took off, and she rode after him and started fighting with him, there were two different levels of communication happening.
On the surface, she was chasing him to get her hair comb back.But looking at it from a different perspective,and looking at a deeper level, SHE HAD FINALLY MET A MAN WHO WAS AN INTERESTING CHALLENGE... and she responded instantly and powerfully by feeling magnetically attracted to him in a way that caused her to leave her group behind and risk her life.
And the fighting that occurred can be seen as just plain fighting... or, if you understand male-
female dynamics, you can also see that on a different level they were FLIRTING. The tension that was building between them was also SEXUAL tension.
She had finally met "a real man", and she responded powerfully to him. Not long after they fell for each other, the bad-boy started to say some downright sensitive things (I don't think he's read my book). He was telling romantic stories about shooting stars, and he risked his life to be with her again... and confessed his love, etc.
This is a round-about way of addressing your comments and answering your question, but this
story helps me to put my answers in perspective.As far as being "a real man" goes, I think that it's a good idea. Women respond powerfully to "male-ness". If it is expressed in a powerful way, it can create an amazing attraction inside of a woman. Most men act weak ALL THE TIME when they are in
the presence of an attractive woman. This is a big problem.
If a woman sees you as a "weak man", then trying to "be strong" will never work. You will
only come across as a weak guy who's trying to "act strong".
On the other hand, a guy who is thought of as a "real man"... one who does not act weak during the first several interactions with a woman, can have a "weak moment" later on and actually have a woman
respond in a very powerful, positive way.
In other words, if you're perceived as a "real man", then you can do whatever you want, and it
will be perceived as part of that personality.But if you are perceived as a "weak man", then
NOTHING you can do will trigger the strong gut-level attraction inside of a woman.And nothing will change that picture inside of a woman's head. Once you're thought of as a weak,nice, ass-kissing guy, it's like an invisible switch gets switched off inside of a woman. And
it's not coming back on anytime soon.
So, the big question is, how do you project this "real man" image? How do you be yourself while at the same time doing the things that create attraction? How do you act in an authentic way, while amplifying those parts of your personality that are most likely to trigger the attraction mechanism inside of women?
Part of the answer is to realize that just about every communication has several levels of
meaning. When you tease, act cocky and funny, and bust a woman's balls, you could viewed as being a
mean jerk. Or, if you do it right you can be viewed as an interesting, sexy man.This is a critical concept, and you need to understand it if you want to succeed with women.
I personally find this idea very intriguing.When I watched the movie "Crouching Tiger,Hidden Dragon"..., I saw something very interesting. Part of the plot revolved around a forbidden-love relationship. It's a common "movie" theme, and it occurs in real life often as well as Acura Wiper Blade.
Here's a summary...
In this movie, there was a troubled teenage girl who was arranged to be married by her family.
Of course, she didn't love the guy, and wanted to be free to find a love on her own.As it turned out,she was also secretly a super-duper martial arts bad-ass.
One day, while on a trip through the desert,her entourage was attacked by a group of bandits.
The leader of the criminals was a Johnny Depp looking Asian guy(role of Rj Rodriguez). He rode up, stole her fancy hair-comb, and rode off.
Being the feisty girl that she was, she jumped on a horse and rode into the desert after the bad
(but cute) boy.They wound up fighting, wrestling and beating the hell out of each other.
The long and the short of it is... he abducted her, tied her up, and hid her away in a cave. And
somehow, right in the middle of it all, they began MAKING OUT.
Five years ago I would have watched this whole sequence and said, "Well, it doesn't make any sense, but it makes for a nice story..."
But now that I understand the illogical nature of attraction and sexual chemistry, I see a
totally different picture. When the cute bad-boy took off, and she rode after him and started fighting with him, there were two different levels of communication happening.
On the surface, she was chasing him to get her hair comb back.But looking at it from a different perspective,and looking at a deeper level, SHE HAD FINALLY MET A MAN WHO WAS AN INTERESTING CHALLENGE... and she responded instantly and powerfully by feeling magnetically attracted to him in a way that caused her to leave her group behind and risk her life.
And the fighting that occurred can be seen as just plain fighting... or, if you understand male-
female dynamics, you can also see that on a different level they were FLIRTING. The tension that was building between them was also SEXUAL tension.
She had finally met "a real man", and she responded powerfully to him. Not long after they fell for each other, the bad-boy started to say some downright sensitive things (I don't think he's read my book). He was telling romantic stories about shooting stars, and he risked his life to be with her again... and confessed his love, etc.
This is a round-about way of addressing your comments and answering your question, but this
story helps me to put my answers in perspective.As far as being "a real man" goes, I think that it's a good idea. Women respond powerfully to "male-ness". If it is expressed in a powerful way, it can create an amazing attraction inside of a woman. Most men act weak ALL THE TIME when they are in
the presence of an attractive woman. This is a big problem.
If a woman sees you as a "weak man", then trying to "be strong" will never work. You will
only come across as a weak guy who's trying to "act strong".
On the other hand, a guy who is thought of as a "real man"... one who does not act weak during the first several interactions with a woman, can have a "weak moment" later on and actually have a woman
respond in a very powerful, positive way.
In other words, if you're perceived as a "real man", then you can do whatever you want, and it
will be perceived as part of that personality.But if you are perceived as a "weak man", then
NOTHING you can do will trigger the strong gut-level attraction inside of a woman.And nothing will change that picture inside of a woman's head. Once you're thought of as a weak,nice, ass-kissing guy, it's like an invisible switch gets switched off inside of a woman. And
it's not coming back on anytime soon.
So, the big question is, how do you project this "real man" image? How do you be yourself while at the same time doing the things that create attraction? How do you act in an authentic way, while amplifying those parts of your personality that are most likely to trigger the attraction mechanism inside of women?
Part of the answer is to realize that just about every communication has several levels of
meaning. When you tease, act cocky and funny, and bust a woman's balls, you could viewed as being a
mean jerk. Or, if you do it right you can be viewed as an interesting, sexy man.This is a critical concept, and you need to understand it if you want to succeed with women.
A SHOCKER To Start Conversations With Women
This week I want to talk about an obvious point that's taken me a few years to really notice.The idea is simple: We humans don't want what everyone else has... we want what everyone else has AND MORE. In the context of women and dating,it goes like this:
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THEY PERCEIVE AS AVERAGE.
Remember, ATTRACTION doesn't make logical sense... Women don't say, "Oh, he's a kind,honest, loyal type of guy from a good family...AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON." Nope.Women say things like: "He's sexy"... "There's chemistry between us"... "I really feel something for him"... etc. And also remember: If a woman feels a strong ATTRACTION for you, then the rest of the equation isn't as important. If she feels it, she'll go out of her way to find good reasons to be with you... even if you're not her "physical type". On the other hand, no amount of gifts, favors,dinners, kindness, or a good family will make her feel ATTRACTION... at best these things can only make her feel a more "loyal" kind of love.So, if women don't like "average" guys and the most important thing is to make her feel ATTRACTION towards you, then how do you do it?I thought you'd never ask...Let's talk about the word "average" and what it
REALLY means.
As far as women are concerned, and especially the ATTRACTIVE ones, men are EVERYWHERE. They're
like cars. Every once in awhile one stands out and makes you say, "Oh, that one is nice."A lot of guys take this concept too far and say "Well, I'm not rich, and I'm not famous... so, no really hot woman is going to find me attractive." My experience and research has shown me that women are far more ATTRACTED to things like attitude, confidence, body language, humor, etc. than looks or money. Sure, those things might INITIALLY get a woman's attention, and there are those women that will only settle for a rich or
unusually handsome guy... but, this is the extreme minority.
In fact, it's very easy to be seen as "above average" if you know what women are looking for,and you know how to deliver.Remember the danger: If you are perceived as "average" early on, then a switch goes off in her mind, and the game will be over before it's even begun.So, let's do a little exercise... Let's figure out two things:
1) What most guys do that women see as "average",
and...
2) What you can do to instantly be seen as "ABOVE
average" and, most importantly, ATTRACTIVE.
First, let's talk about what most guys do in most situations (more specifically, what most guys do WRONG). Here are some of the things that I've seen...If the setting is a bar or a club, most guys
will either say, "Can I buy you a drink?", "Wanna dance?", or "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"... or they
do crass things like stare at women with wanting eyes or grab them as they walk by.If the setting is a public place, like maybe a woman working at a clothing store, a waitress, or
some other similar high-traffic situation, most guys will ask a lame question like "Do you have a
boyfriend?" or "Can I take you out sometime?" Ugh. These kinds of approaches can only result in
you being seen as another lame, average guy.Here are a few ideas to try instead...
If you're in a bar or club setting, try asking a woman or a group of women THEIR OPINION on
something. I personally like this one: "Hey, my friends and I were talking and we need
a female perspective... What do you ladies think about this new trend of women being proud of
paying their own way and buying their own things? Like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman?"
Women will usually ENTHUSIASTICALLY join into a conversation like this one. (I personally like
this topic because it starts off by talking about women taking care of themselves in a positive
light, which sets the stage for not having to pay for a lot of things right up front!) A quick note: Any conversation topic even about Acura Wheel Bearing can be turned into flirting and there is a very special
ART to this.
If you're out in a public place, at a store where a woman is working or some other high- traffic place, you might try something like this:After chatting about whatever business you're
doing there say, "Hey, are you single?"I love this question! It's such a shocker, and
it says all the right things. Most guys say, "Do you have a boyfriend?" which is the usual
question. "Are you single?" is much more forward,and most women have to do a double take to think
for a moment.
If she pauses, I say, "I'll take that as a YES...", which is pretty funny and usually gets a
laugh. In either of these cases, it's now time to get the digits and get out. You already know that I'm
not a fan of standing around and trying to keep a conversation going for any longer than you have
to.So, after two or three minutes of small talk and general conversation, just go into the "3
Minute Phone Number" close that you've learned in an earlier newsletter or in my book...
Say, "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to get back to my friends... (or shopping, or
whatever)" and as you turn away, turn back and say "Do you have email...?" etc.
These two scenarios are obviously very simple,and also very easy. I've had guys say to me,
"Well, there's nothing really that different about those approaches."
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THEY PERCEIVE AS AVERAGE.
Remember, ATTRACTION doesn't make logical sense... Women don't say, "Oh, he's a kind,honest, loyal type of guy from a good family...AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON." Nope.Women say things like: "He's sexy"... "There's chemistry between us"... "I really feel something for him"... etc. And also remember: If a woman feels a strong ATTRACTION for you, then the rest of the equation isn't as important. If she feels it, she'll go out of her way to find good reasons to be with you... even if you're not her "physical type". On the other hand, no amount of gifts, favors,dinners, kindness, or a good family will make her feel ATTRACTION... at best these things can only make her feel a more "loyal" kind of love.So, if women don't like "average" guys and the most important thing is to make her feel ATTRACTION towards you, then how do you do it?I thought you'd never ask...Let's talk about the word "average" and what it
REALLY means.
As far as women are concerned, and especially the ATTRACTIVE ones, men are EVERYWHERE. They're
like cars. Every once in awhile one stands out and makes you say, "Oh, that one is nice."A lot of guys take this concept too far and say "Well, I'm not rich, and I'm not famous... so, no really hot woman is going to find me attractive." My experience and research has shown me that women are far more ATTRACTED to things like attitude, confidence, body language, humor, etc. than looks or money. Sure, those things might INITIALLY get a woman's attention, and there are those women that will only settle for a rich or
unusually handsome guy... but, this is the extreme minority.
In fact, it's very easy to be seen as "above average" if you know what women are looking for,and you know how to deliver.Remember the danger: If you are perceived as "average" early on, then a switch goes off in her mind, and the game will be over before it's even begun.So, let's do a little exercise... Let's figure out two things:
1) What most guys do that women see as "average",
and...
2) What you can do to instantly be seen as "ABOVE
average" and, most importantly, ATTRACTIVE.
First, let's talk about what most guys do in most situations (more specifically, what most guys do WRONG). Here are some of the things that I've seen...If the setting is a bar or a club, most guys
will either say, "Can I buy you a drink?", "Wanna dance?", or "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"... or they
do crass things like stare at women with wanting eyes or grab them as they walk by.If the setting is a public place, like maybe a woman working at a clothing store, a waitress, or
some other similar high-traffic situation, most guys will ask a lame question like "Do you have a
boyfriend?" or "Can I take you out sometime?" Ugh. These kinds of approaches can only result in
you being seen as another lame, average guy.Here are a few ideas to try instead...
If you're in a bar or club setting, try asking a woman or a group of women THEIR OPINION on
something. I personally like this one: "Hey, my friends and I were talking and we need
a female perspective... What do you ladies think about this new trend of women being proud of
paying their own way and buying their own things? Like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman?"
Women will usually ENTHUSIASTICALLY join into a conversation like this one. (I personally like
this topic because it starts off by talking about women taking care of themselves in a positive
light, which sets the stage for not having to pay for a lot of things right up front!) A quick note: Any conversation topic even about Acura Wheel Bearing can be turned into flirting and there is a very special
ART to this.
If you're out in a public place, at a store where a woman is working or some other high- traffic place, you might try something like this:After chatting about whatever business you're
doing there say, "Hey, are you single?"I love this question! It's such a shocker, and
it says all the right things. Most guys say, "Do you have a boyfriend?" which is the usual
question. "Are you single?" is much more forward,and most women have to do a double take to think
for a moment.
If she pauses, I say, "I'll take that as a YES...", which is pretty funny and usually gets a
laugh. In either of these cases, it's now time to get the digits and get out. You already know that I'm
not a fan of standing around and trying to keep a conversation going for any longer than you have
to.So, after two or three minutes of small talk and general conversation, just go into the "3
Minute Phone Number" close that you've learned in an earlier newsletter or in my book...
Say, "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to get back to my friends... (or shopping, or
whatever)" and as you turn away, turn back and say "Do you have email...?" etc.
These two scenarios are obviously very simple,and also very easy. I've had guys say to me,
"Well, there's nothing really that different about those approaches."
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
A SHOCKER To Start Conversations With Women
This week I want to talk about an obvious point that's taken me a few years to really notice.The idea is simple: We humans don't want what everyone else has... we want what everyone else has AND MORE. In the context of women and dating,it goes like this:
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THEY PERCEIVE AS AVERAGE.
Remember, ATTRACTION doesn't make logical sense... Women don't say, "Oh, he's a kind,honest, loyal type of guy from a good family...AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON." Nope.Women say things like: "He's sexy"... "There's chemistry between us"... "I really feel something for him"... etc. And also remember: If a woman feels a strong ATTRACTION for you, then the rest of the equation isn't as important. If she feels it, she'll go out of her way to find good reasons to be with you... even if you're not her "physical type". On the other hand, no amount of gifts, favors,dinners, kindness, or a good family will make her feel ATTRACTION... at best these things can only make her feel a more "loyal" kind of love.So, if women don't like "average" guys and the most important thing is to make her feel ATTRACTION towards you, then how do you do it?I thought you'd never ask...Let's talk about the word "average" and what it
REALLY means.
As far as women are concerned, and especially the ATTRACTIVE ones, men are EVERYWHERE. They're
like cars. Every once in awhile one stands out and makes you say, "Oh, that one is nice."A lot of guys take this concept too far and say "Well, I'm not rich, and I'm not famous... so, no really hot woman is going to find me attractive." My experience and research has shown me that women are far more ATTRACTED to things like attitude, confidence, body language, humor, etc. than looks or money. Sure, those things might INITIALLY get a woman's attention, and there are those women that will only settle for a rich or
unusually handsome guy... but, this is the extreme minority.
In fact, it's very easy to be seen as "above average" if you know what women are looking for,and you know how to deliver.Remember the danger: If you are perceived as "average" early on, then a switch goes off in her mind, and the game will be over before it's even begun.So, let's do a little exercise... Let's figure out two things:
1) What most guys do that women see as "average",
and...
2) What you can do to instantly be seen as "ABOVE
average" and, most importantly, ATTRACTIVE.
First, let's talk about what most guys do in most situations (more specifically, what most guys do WRONG). Here are some of the things that I've seen...If the setting is a bar or a club, most guys
will either say, "Can I buy you a drink?", "Wanna dance?", or "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"... or they
do crass things like stare at women with wanting eyes or grab them as they walk by.If the setting is a public place, like maybe a woman working at a clothing store, a waitress, or
some other similar high-traffic situation, most guys will ask a lame question like "Do you have a
boyfriend?" or "Can I take you out sometime?" Ugh. These kinds of approaches can only result in
you being seen as another lame, average guy.Here are a few ideas to try instead...
If you're in a bar or club setting, try asking a woman or a group of women THEIR OPINION on
something. I personally like this one: "Hey, my friends and I were talking and we need
a female perspective... What do you ladies think about this new trend of women being proud of
paying their own way and buying their own things? Like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman?"
Women will usually ENTHUSIASTICALLY join into a conversation like this one. (I personally like
this topic because it starts off by talking about women taking care of themselves in a positive
light, which sets the stage for not having to pay for a lot of things right up front!) A quick note: Any conversation topic even about Acura Wheel Bearing can be turned into flirting and there is a very special
ART to this.
If you're out in a public place, at a store where a woman is working or some other high- traffic place, you might try something like this:After chatting about whatever business you're
doing there say, "Hey, are you single?"I love this question! It's such a shocker, and
it says all the right things. Most guys say, "Do you have a boyfriend?" which is the usual
question. "Are you single?" is much more forward,and most women have to do a double take to think
for a moment.
If she pauses, I say, "I'll take that as a YES...", which is pretty funny and usually gets a
laugh. In either of these cases, it's now time to get the digits and get out. You already know that I'm
not a fan of standing around and trying to keep a conversation going for any longer than you have
to.So, after two or three minutes of small talk and general conversation, just go into the "3
Minute Phone Number" close that you've learned in an earlier newsletter or in my book...
Say, "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to get back to my friends... (or shopping, or
whatever)" and as you turn away, turn back and say "Do you have email...?" etc.
These two scenarios are obviously very simple,and also very easy. I've had guys say to me,
"Well, there's nothing really that different about those approaches."
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THEY PERCEIVE AS AVERAGE.
Remember, ATTRACTION doesn't make logical sense... Women don't say, "Oh, he's a kind,honest, loyal type of guy from a good family...AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON." Nope.Women say things like: "He's sexy"... "There's chemistry between us"... "I really feel something for him"... etc. And also remember: If a woman feels a strong ATTRACTION for you, then the rest of the equation isn't as important. If she feels it, she'll go out of her way to find good reasons to be with you... even if you're not her "physical type". On the other hand, no amount of gifts, favors,dinners, kindness, or a good family will make her feel ATTRACTION... at best these things can only make her feel a more "loyal" kind of love.So, if women don't like "average" guys and the most important thing is to make her feel ATTRACTION towards you, then how do you do it?I thought you'd never ask...Let's talk about the word "average" and what it
REALLY means.
As far as women are concerned, and especially the ATTRACTIVE ones, men are EVERYWHERE. They're
like cars. Every once in awhile one stands out and makes you say, "Oh, that one is nice."A lot of guys take this concept too far and say "Well, I'm not rich, and I'm not famous... so, no really hot woman is going to find me attractive." My experience and research has shown me that women are far more ATTRACTED to things like attitude, confidence, body language, humor, etc. than looks or money. Sure, those things might INITIALLY get a woman's attention, and there are those women that will only settle for a rich or
unusually handsome guy... but, this is the extreme minority.
In fact, it's very easy to be seen as "above average" if you know what women are looking for,and you know how to deliver.Remember the danger: If you are perceived as "average" early on, then a switch goes off in her mind, and the game will be over before it's even begun.So, let's do a little exercise... Let's figure out two things:
1) What most guys do that women see as "average",
and...
2) What you can do to instantly be seen as "ABOVE
average" and, most importantly, ATTRACTIVE.
First, let's talk about what most guys do in most situations (more specifically, what most guys do WRONG). Here are some of the things that I've seen...If the setting is a bar or a club, most guys
will either say, "Can I buy you a drink?", "Wanna dance?", or "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"... or they
do crass things like stare at women with wanting eyes or grab them as they walk by.If the setting is a public place, like maybe a woman working at a clothing store, a waitress, or
some other similar high-traffic situation, most guys will ask a lame question like "Do you have a
boyfriend?" or "Can I take you out sometime?" Ugh. These kinds of approaches can only result in
you being seen as another lame, average guy.Here are a few ideas to try instead...
If you're in a bar or club setting, try asking a woman or a group of women THEIR OPINION on
something. I personally like this one: "Hey, my friends and I were talking and we need
a female perspective... What do you ladies think about this new trend of women being proud of
paying their own way and buying their own things? Like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman?"
Women will usually ENTHUSIASTICALLY join into a conversation like this one. (I personally like
this topic because it starts off by talking about women taking care of themselves in a positive
light, which sets the stage for not having to pay for a lot of things right up front!) A quick note: Any conversation topic even about Acura Wheel Bearing can be turned into flirting and there is a very special
ART to this.
If you're out in a public place, at a store where a woman is working or some other high- traffic place, you might try something like this:After chatting about whatever business you're
doing there say, "Hey, are you single?"I love this question! It's such a shocker, and
it says all the right things. Most guys say, "Do you have a boyfriend?" which is the usual
question. "Are you single?" is much more forward,and most women have to do a double take to think
for a moment.
If she pauses, I say, "I'll take that as a YES...", which is pretty funny and usually gets a
laugh. In either of these cases, it's now time to get the digits and get out. You already know that I'm
not a fan of standing around and trying to keep a conversation going for any longer than you have
to.So, after two or three minutes of small talk and general conversation, just go into the "3
Minute Phone Number" close that you've learned in an earlier newsletter or in my book...
Say, "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to get back to my friends... (or shopping, or
whatever)" and as you turn away, turn back and say "Do you have email...?" etc.
These two scenarios are obviously very simple,and also very easy. I've had guys say to me,
"Well, there's nothing really that different about those approaches."
A SHOCKER To Start Conversations With Women
This week I want to talk about an obvious point that's taken me a few years to really notice.The idea is simple: We humans don't want what everyone else has... we want what everyone else has AND MORE. In the context of women and dating,it goes like this:
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THEY PERCEIVE AS AVERAGE.
Remember, ATTRACTION doesn't make logical sense... Women don't say, "Oh, he's a kind,honest, loyal type of guy from a good family...AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON." Nope.Women say things like: "He's sexy"... "There's chemistry between us"... "I really feel something for him"... etc. And also remember: If a woman feels a strong ATTRACTION for you, then the rest of the equation isn't as important. If she feels it, she'll go out of her way to find good reasons to be with you... even if you're not her "physical type". On the other hand, no amount of gifts, favors,dinners, kindness, or a good family will make her feel ATTRACTION... at best these things can only make her feel a more "loyal" kind of love.So, if women don't like "average" guys and the most important thing is to make her feel ATTRACTION towards you, then how do you do it?I thought you'd never ask...Let's talk about the word "average" and what it
REALLY means.
As far as women are concerned, and especially the ATTRACTIVE ones, men are EVERYWHERE. They're
like cars. Every once in awhile one stands out and makes you say, "Oh, that one is nice."A lot of guys take this concept too far and say "Well, I'm not rich, and I'm not famous... so, no really hot woman is going to find me attractive." My experience and research has shown me that women are far more ATTRACTED to things like attitude, confidence, body language, humor, etc. than looks or money. Sure, those things might INITIALLY get a woman's attention, and there are those women that will only settle for a rich or
unusually handsome guy... but, this is the extreme minority.
In fact, it's very easy to be seen as "above average" if you know what women are looking for,and you know how to deliver.Remember the danger: If you are perceived as "average" early on, then a switch goes off in her mind, and the game will be over before it's even begun.So, let's do a little exercise... Let's figure out two things:
1) What most guys do that women see as "average",
and...
2) What you can do to instantly be seen as "ABOVE
average" and, most importantly, ATTRACTIVE.
First, let's talk about what most guys do in most situations (more specifically, what most guys do WRONG). Here are some of the things that I've seen...If the setting is a bar or a club, most guys
will either say, "Can I buy you a drink?", "Wanna dance?", or "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"... or they
do crass things like stare at women with wanting eyes or grab them as they walk by.If the setting is a public place, like maybe a woman working at a clothing store, a waitress, or
some other similar high-traffic situation, most guys will ask a lame question like "Do you have a
boyfriend?" or "Can I take you out sometime?" Ugh. These kinds of approaches can only result in
you being seen as another lame, average guy.Here are a few ideas to try instead...
If you're in a bar or club setting, try asking a woman or a group of women THEIR OPINION on
something. I personally like this one: "Hey, my friends and I were talking and we need
a female perspective... What do you ladies think about this new trend of women being proud of
paying their own way and buying their own things? Like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman?"
Women will usually ENTHUSIASTICALLY join into a conversation like this one. (I personally like
this topic because it starts off by talking about women taking care of themselves in a positive
light, which sets the stage for not having to pay for a lot of things right up front!) A quick note: Any conversation topic even about Acura Water Pump can be turned into flirting and there is a very special
ART to this.
If you're out in a public place, at a store where a woman is working or some other high- traffic place, you might try something like this:After chatting about whatever business you're
doing there say, "Hey, are you single?"I love this question! It's such a shocker, and
it says all the right things. Most guys say, "Do you have a boyfriend?" which is the usual
question. "Are you single?" is much more forward,and most women have to do a double take to think
for a moment.
If she pauses, I say, "I'll take that as a YES...", which is pretty funny and usually gets a
laugh. In either of these cases, it's now time to get the digits and get out. You already know that I'm
not a fan of standing around and trying to keep a conversation going for any longer than you have
to.So, after two or three minutes of small talk and general conversation, just go into the "3
Minute Phone Number" close that you've learned in an earlier newsletter or in my book...
Say, "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to get back to my friends... (or shopping, or
whatever)" and as you turn away, turn back and say "Do you have email...?" etc.
These two scenarios are obviously very simple,and also very easy. I've had guys say to me,
"Well, there's nothing really that different about those approaches."
WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THEY PERCEIVE AS AVERAGE.
Remember, ATTRACTION doesn't make logical sense... Women don't say, "Oh, he's a kind,honest, loyal type of guy from a good family...AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON." Nope.Women say things like: "He's sexy"... "There's chemistry between us"... "I really feel something for him"... etc. And also remember: If a woman feels a strong ATTRACTION for you, then the rest of the equation isn't as important. If she feels it, she'll go out of her way to find good reasons to be with you... even if you're not her "physical type". On the other hand, no amount of gifts, favors,dinners, kindness, or a good family will make her feel ATTRACTION... at best these things can only make her feel a more "loyal" kind of love.So, if women don't like "average" guys and the most important thing is to make her feel ATTRACTION towards you, then how do you do it?I thought you'd never ask...Let's talk about the word "average" and what it
REALLY means.
As far as women are concerned, and especially the ATTRACTIVE ones, men are EVERYWHERE. They're
like cars. Every once in awhile one stands out and makes you say, "Oh, that one is nice."A lot of guys take this concept too far and say "Well, I'm not rich, and I'm not famous... so, no really hot woman is going to find me attractive." My experience and research has shown me that women are far more ATTRACTED to things like attitude, confidence, body language, humor, etc. than looks or money. Sure, those things might INITIALLY get a woman's attention, and there are those women that will only settle for a rich or
unusually handsome guy... but, this is the extreme minority.
In fact, it's very easy to be seen as "above average" if you know what women are looking for,and you know how to deliver.Remember the danger: If you are perceived as "average" early on, then a switch goes off in her mind, and the game will be over before it's even begun.So, let's do a little exercise... Let's figure out two things:
1) What most guys do that women see as "average",
and...
2) What you can do to instantly be seen as "ABOVE
average" and, most importantly, ATTRACTIVE.
First, let's talk about what most guys do in most situations (more specifically, what most guys do WRONG). Here are some of the things that I've seen...If the setting is a bar or a club, most guys
will either say, "Can I buy you a drink?", "Wanna dance?", or "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"... or they
do crass things like stare at women with wanting eyes or grab them as they walk by.If the setting is a public place, like maybe a woman working at a clothing store, a waitress, or
some other similar high-traffic situation, most guys will ask a lame question like "Do you have a
boyfriend?" or "Can I take you out sometime?" Ugh. These kinds of approaches can only result in
you being seen as another lame, average guy.Here are a few ideas to try instead...
If you're in a bar or club setting, try asking a woman or a group of women THEIR OPINION on
something. I personally like this one: "Hey, my friends and I were talking and we need
a female perspective... What do you ladies think about this new trend of women being proud of
paying their own way and buying their own things? Like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman?"
Women will usually ENTHUSIASTICALLY join into a conversation like this one. (I personally like
this topic because it starts off by talking about women taking care of themselves in a positive
light, which sets the stage for not having to pay for a lot of things right up front!) A quick note: Any conversation topic even about Acura Water Pump can be turned into flirting and there is a very special
ART to this.
If you're out in a public place, at a store where a woman is working or some other high- traffic place, you might try something like this:After chatting about whatever business you're
doing there say, "Hey, are you single?"I love this question! It's such a shocker, and
it says all the right things. Most guys say, "Do you have a boyfriend?" which is the usual
question. "Are you single?" is much more forward,and most women have to do a double take to think
for a moment.
If she pauses, I say, "I'll take that as a YES...", which is pretty funny and usually gets a
laugh. In either of these cases, it's now time to get the digits and get out. You already know that I'm
not a fan of standing around and trying to keep a conversation going for any longer than you have
to.So, after two or three minutes of small talk and general conversation, just go into the "3
Minute Phone Number" close that you've learned in an earlier newsletter or in my book...
Say, "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to get back to my friends... (or shopping, or
whatever)" and as you turn away, turn back and say "Do you have email...?" etc.
These two scenarios are obviously very simple,and also very easy. I've had guys say to me,
"Well, there's nothing really that different about those approaches."
What Women HATE Most About Single Guys...
For women, friendships and romantic relationships are two separate things. They are NOT the same.
One can lead to another, but it's RARE when it happens.Remember that. One CAN lead to another, but it's RARE."Romantic" relationships are very different from "friend" relationships.While most men would sleep with most of their female "friends" if the woman "came on" to them,most women would NOT sleep with most men that they consider "just friends".But why is this? How do women differentiate between "just friends" and "I'll be intimate with you"?And why is it so hard to become "more than friends" with a woman you've been "just friends" with for a long time?The answer to this riddle is very interesting to me.
I believe that the answer comes down to understanding HOW women "know" when they want to "be intimate" with a man... and, even MORE importantly, understanding how women "know" when they DON'T want to "be intimate" with a man...The thing that tells a woman whether the guy she's with is "friend" material or "lover" material is how she FEELS.It's a combination of EMOTIONAL feelings and PHYSICAL feelings.It is NOT logic.She might USE logic to "rationalize" her decision... or she might USE logic to SOUND like she has a good reason for either "being with" or "not being with" a particular guy. But don't let that distract you.Logic isn't important AT ALL in this context.So let me say this another way.A woman FEELS something emotionally and/or physically, then she uses those FEELINGS as the
basis for her "decisions" and actions with a particular guy.If she feels that "Ewwww Yuck!" feeling, then her "logical" conclusion will probably not be that she wants to date the guy in question. If she feels that "It's Gettin' Hot In Here" feeling, then her "logical" conclusion will probably be that this guy is interesting and attractive, and a good "choice" to date. At this point she'll take ACTION on her feelings and thoughts...It goes like this:
FEEL--->THINK--->ACT
First the FEELING, then the THOUGHT... and THEN the action.Now, with this in mind, let me ask you an
important question:How do most guys behave around women that
they're "romantically" interested in?And another:What do they do to get the woman that's the object of their desires to be with them? Take a few minutes to think about this. Make a list if you have paper and pen handy.I'm serious. I'll wait.Come back when you're finished.Now take a look at your list.I'll bet that almost every single thing on your list was something "external".In other words, your list probably contains things like "Take her to dinner" and "Give her compliments" and "Buy her flowers or Acura Vent Visor" and "Call her often".These are all things that demonstrate that he's INTERESTED.
They are NOT things that trigger those emotional and physical feelings inside of a woman
that tell her that THIS IS THE GUY.In other words, men try to use "props" to LET A
WOMAN KNOW HE'S INTERESTED......HOPING that when the woman sees these
displays she'll be interested in him.Almost NONE of the things men do to court women make women FEEL ANYTHING even remotely similar to "Attraction" and "Arousal".Of course, you know this.You've probably done this stuff about a bazillion times. I have, too. I know what it's like to try OVER AND OVER to let a particular woman know that I'm interested... only to have her NOT RESPOND in a "romantic" way.
The PROBLEM with this kind of thing is that it makes TWO HUGE MISTAKES at once. First, it's just the plain-old wrong way to go. Telling or showing a woman that you "like her" has
no effect on how she feels about YOU In the moment it sure seems to make sense..."If I show her how I feel, she'll return the feelings".Duh.Like I said, it seems like the right thing to do in the moment (when your inner little girl has a big fat crush). But it's not... it will have NO effect on her feelings for you.
And second, it communicates clearly that YOU DON'T GET IT. It tips a woman off INSTANTLY that you're not hip to what's going... and it kills your chances with her.Say what?You mean that doing nice things for women, and trying to show how you feel can actually HURT your chances with a woman?Yea, it can.
Look, if you've been dating a woman exclusively for six months, and her birthday comes... it's OK
to buy her a gift and tell her that you like spending time with her.YOU'RE ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP.
But if you've known a woman for six DAYS and you try this kind of thing, you're going to shoot yourself in the foot.Women are EXPERTS at recognizing men who DON'T GET IT. And if you DON'T get it, PLUS you're trying to compensate for the fact that you don't get it with gifts and compliments, then you're REALLY screwed (or not screwed, as the case may be).
One can lead to another, but it's RARE when it happens.Remember that. One CAN lead to another, but it's RARE."Romantic" relationships are very different from "friend" relationships.While most men would sleep with most of their female "friends" if the woman "came on" to them,most women would NOT sleep with most men that they consider "just friends".But why is this? How do women differentiate between "just friends" and "I'll be intimate with you"?And why is it so hard to become "more than friends" with a woman you've been "just friends" with for a long time?The answer to this riddle is very interesting to me.
I believe that the answer comes down to understanding HOW women "know" when they want to "be intimate" with a man... and, even MORE importantly, understanding how women "know" when they DON'T want to "be intimate" with a man...The thing that tells a woman whether the guy she's with is "friend" material or "lover" material is how she FEELS.It's a combination of EMOTIONAL feelings and PHYSICAL feelings.It is NOT logic.She might USE logic to "rationalize" her decision... or she might USE logic to SOUND like she has a good reason for either "being with" or "not being with" a particular guy. But don't let that distract you.Logic isn't important AT ALL in this context.So let me say this another way.A woman FEELS something emotionally and/or physically, then she uses those FEELINGS as the
basis for her "decisions" and actions with a particular guy.If she feels that "Ewwww Yuck!" feeling, then her "logical" conclusion will probably not be that she wants to date the guy in question. If she feels that "It's Gettin' Hot In Here" feeling, then her "logical" conclusion will probably be that this guy is interesting and attractive, and a good "choice" to date. At this point she'll take ACTION on her feelings and thoughts...It goes like this:
FEEL--->THINK--->ACT
First the FEELING, then the THOUGHT... and THEN the action.Now, with this in mind, let me ask you an
important question:How do most guys behave around women that
they're "romantically" interested in?And another:What do they do to get the woman that's the object of their desires to be with them? Take a few minutes to think about this. Make a list if you have paper and pen handy.I'm serious. I'll wait.Come back when you're finished.Now take a look at your list.I'll bet that almost every single thing on your list was something "external".In other words, your list probably contains things like "Take her to dinner" and "Give her compliments" and "Buy her flowers or Acura Vent Visor" and "Call her often".These are all things that demonstrate that he's INTERESTED.
They are NOT things that trigger those emotional and physical feelings inside of a woman
that tell her that THIS IS THE GUY.In other words, men try to use "props" to LET A
WOMAN KNOW HE'S INTERESTED......HOPING that when the woman sees these
displays she'll be interested in him.Almost NONE of the things men do to court women make women FEEL ANYTHING even remotely similar to "Attraction" and "Arousal".Of course, you know this.You've probably done this stuff about a bazillion times. I have, too. I know what it's like to try OVER AND OVER to let a particular woman know that I'm interested... only to have her NOT RESPOND in a "romantic" way.
The PROBLEM with this kind of thing is that it makes TWO HUGE MISTAKES at once. First, it's just the plain-old wrong way to go. Telling or showing a woman that you "like her" has
no effect on how she feels about YOU In the moment it sure seems to make sense..."If I show her how I feel, she'll return the feelings".Duh.Like I said, it seems like the right thing to do in the moment (when your inner little girl has a big fat crush). But it's not... it will have NO effect on her feelings for you.
And second, it communicates clearly that YOU DON'T GET IT. It tips a woman off INSTANTLY that you're not hip to what's going... and it kills your chances with her.Say what?You mean that doing nice things for women, and trying to show how you feel can actually HURT your chances with a woman?Yea, it can.
Look, if you've been dating a woman exclusively for six months, and her birthday comes... it's OK
to buy her a gift and tell her that you like spending time with her.YOU'RE ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP.
But if you've known a woman for six DAYS and you try this kind of thing, you're going to shoot yourself in the foot.Women are EXPERTS at recognizing men who DON'T GET IT. And if you DON'T get it, PLUS you're trying to compensate for the fact that you don't get it with gifts and compliments, then you're REALLY screwed (or not screwed, as the case may be).
Thursday, November 8, 2007
What Turns Women "On"
There are two basic stories for how men and
women "start off" together, and two basic stories
for how men and women "end up".
Through all of time, I'm sure that men and
women have been playing out these stories... and
I'm sure that they'll continue to play them out
long into the future (that is, unless I have
something to say about it... and I do).
THE MEETING STORIES
Here's "Meeting Story #1":
Boy is attracted to girl. Unfortunately, boy
doesn't have a clue about how to make girl feel
ATTRACTION for him... so, instead he tries to
"pursue" girl by offering her dinners, gifts like
Shocks, and flowers. Girl finds boy "nice", but there are no
"sparks", so she "just likes him as a friend".
Here's "Meeting Story #2":
Boy is attracted to girl. Fortunately for him,
boy understands ATTRACTION, and begins to
communicate with girl in a way that makes her feel
a powerful physical and emotional response for boy
that she can't control. The sparks fly, and boy
and girl "get together".
As I'm sure you know...
In story #1, GIRL is in total control of the
situation and both of them know it.
In story #2, BOY is the one who's in control of
the situation.
THE STORIES OF HOW THINGS "END UP"
Let's assume that somehow, boy and girl
actually "get together". Things usually go one of
two ways after that...
Here's "End Up Story #1":
Boy and girl get together. Boy realizes that he
"REALLY likes" girl. Boy begins to act more and
more predictable. Boy starts to share "how he
feels" about girl too often. Boy becomes more and
more submissive. Girl loses that feeling of
ATTRACTION that she once had for boy and has no
way of explaining or understanding why. Girl
leaves boy and boy is left wondering what
happened.
Here's "End Up Story #2":
Boy and girl get together. Boy understands that
no matter how much he likes girl, he cannot let
himself become a Wussy who chases girl around
"sharing how he feels" and becomes boring. Boy
keeps the relationship interesting and he keeps
challenging girl. Boy stays in control of himself,
and by understanding his role as "The Man" in the
relationship, keeps girl interested and attracted
to him into the future.
And again, as I'm sure you know...
In story #1, GIRL is in total control of the
situation and both of them know it.
In story #2, BOY is the one who's in control of
the situation.
If you look at your experience with women, I'm
sure you'll see that these short stories describe
MOST of the experiences you've had.
Now, of course there are slight twists and
variations, but the message is clear:
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND HOW ATTRACTION WORKS FOR
WOMEN... AND HOW TO KEEP THE ATTRACTION GOING
WHEN YOU MEET A WOMAN YOU REALLY LIKE.
If you don't understand ATTRACTION and how it
works, then you are destined to keep playing out
these same stories for the rest of your life. It's
very unlikely that you'll stumble upon the "magic
solution" by accident...
ATTRACTION IS DIFFERENT FOR WOMEN THAN IT IS FOR
MEN - VERY DIFFERENT
The reality is that you CAN stop this negative
pattern if you WANT to.
But the key is:
1) Understanding how ATTRACTION works for WOMEN.
2) Understanding YOURSELF, so you don't ALLOW
yourself to act like a Wussy, become boring and
turn a good thing into a bad one... but instead
you do the RIGHT things to keep everything on the
right track.
If you know how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION
for you, then you can control your destiny with
women. If you DON'T know how to make a woman feel
ATTRACTION for you, then you cannot control your
destiny with women.
Read that paragraph again, and think about it
for a minute before you go on.
OK, so I mentioned that ATTRACTION is very
different for women than it is for men.
women "start off" together, and two basic stories
for how men and women "end up".
Through all of time, I'm sure that men and
women have been playing out these stories... and
I'm sure that they'll continue to play them out
long into the future (that is, unless I have
something to say about it... and I do).
THE MEETING STORIES
Here's "Meeting Story #1":
Boy is attracted to girl. Unfortunately, boy
doesn't have a clue about how to make girl feel
ATTRACTION for him... so, instead he tries to
"pursue" girl by offering her dinners, gifts like
Shocks, and flowers. Girl finds boy "nice", but there are no
"sparks", so she "just likes him as a friend".
Here's "Meeting Story #2":
Boy is attracted to girl. Fortunately for him,
boy understands ATTRACTION, and begins to
communicate with girl in a way that makes her feel
a powerful physical and emotional response for boy
that she can't control. The sparks fly, and boy
and girl "get together".
As I'm sure you know...
In story #1, GIRL is in total control of the
situation and both of them know it.
In story #2, BOY is the one who's in control of
the situation.
THE STORIES OF HOW THINGS "END UP"
Let's assume that somehow, boy and girl
actually "get together". Things usually go one of
two ways after that...
Here's "End Up Story #1":
Boy and girl get together. Boy realizes that he
"REALLY likes" girl. Boy begins to act more and
more predictable. Boy starts to share "how he
feels" about girl too often. Boy becomes more and
more submissive. Girl loses that feeling of
ATTRACTION that she once had for boy and has no
way of explaining or understanding why. Girl
leaves boy and boy is left wondering what
happened.
Here's "End Up Story #2":
Boy and girl get together. Boy understands that
no matter how much he likes girl, he cannot let
himself become a Wussy who chases girl around
"sharing how he feels" and becomes boring. Boy
keeps the relationship interesting and he keeps
challenging girl. Boy stays in control of himself,
and by understanding his role as "The Man" in the
relationship, keeps girl interested and attracted
to him into the future.
And again, as I'm sure you know...
In story #1, GIRL is in total control of the
situation and both of them know it.
In story #2, BOY is the one who's in control of
the situation.
If you look at your experience with women, I'm
sure you'll see that these short stories describe
MOST of the experiences you've had.
Now, of course there are slight twists and
variations, but the message is clear:
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND HOW ATTRACTION WORKS FOR
WOMEN... AND HOW TO KEEP THE ATTRACTION GOING
WHEN YOU MEET A WOMAN YOU REALLY LIKE.
If you don't understand ATTRACTION and how it
works, then you are destined to keep playing out
these same stories for the rest of your life. It's
very unlikely that you'll stumble upon the "magic
solution" by accident...
ATTRACTION IS DIFFERENT FOR WOMEN THAN IT IS FOR
MEN - VERY DIFFERENT
The reality is that you CAN stop this negative
pattern if you WANT to.
But the key is:
1) Understanding how ATTRACTION works for WOMEN.
2) Understanding YOURSELF, so you don't ALLOW
yourself to act like a Wussy, become boring and
turn a good thing into a bad one... but instead
you do the RIGHT things to keep everything on the
right track.
If you know how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION
for you, then you can control your destiny with
women. If you DON'T know how to make a woman feel
ATTRACTION for you, then you cannot control your
destiny with women.
Read that paragraph again, and think about it
for a minute before you go on.
OK, so I mentioned that ATTRACTION is very
different for women than it is for men.
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